I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This toilet bowl is my home.
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