I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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