and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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