I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
