I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
