He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
