We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
