Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
