wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
