Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
