One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
