It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
