he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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