On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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