you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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