Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize