what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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