Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
No subtext here. People are naked.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
