all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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