Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
