If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize