We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
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Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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