as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
