I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize