He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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