If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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