what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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