you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
