He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
