he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
