Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
