I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
