I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
