Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
