Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
