yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
