i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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