How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
