I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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