anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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