My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
sex in a hospital.. check
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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