we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
porn star boner night. come get it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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