I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
