I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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