oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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