I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
