Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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