Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
