my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
