i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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