Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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