I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
