im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
