allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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