I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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