I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Two words: nipple clamps
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