between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
