dude i'm inner monologue high
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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