i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
