You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
