I didn't shave. On purpose
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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