Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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