you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
