you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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