maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
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I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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