When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
