I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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