I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i drank out of a bidet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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