I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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