Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
