just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
