youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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