plz talk dirty to me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
