Got a toothbrush?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
