Nicole vs. Life
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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