I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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