ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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