I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
