And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
