pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
