Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Green mimosas i think yes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
