Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
