Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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