Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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