This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
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I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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