I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
