We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
